February 20, 2008

  • Geek love

    The socially awkward are happier and more committed in romantic relationships than are socially-adjusted people, according to a recent Northwestern University study. "High self-monitors" are aware of how their behavior affects others and adjust accordingly. They are cool people. "Low self-monitors" are oblivious and do what they please. They are nerds.

    Here's the author of the study (link).

       “High self-monitors are social chameleons,” said Michael E. Roloff. “And because they are
    quick to pick up on social cues, are socially adept and unlikely to say
    upsetting things to others, they are generally well-liked and sought
    after.
       “High self-monitors may appear to be the kind of people we want to have
    relationships with, but they themselves are less committed to and less
    happy in their relationships than low self-monitors.
       “The desire to alter one’s personality to appropriately fit a given
    situation or social climate prevents high self-monitors from presenting
    their true selves during intimate interactions with their romantic
    partners,” said Roloff.
       “It’s not that high self-monitors are intentionally deceptive or evil,”
    Roloff said. “They appear to have an outlook and way of achieving their
    goals that makes them attractive to us socially but that prevents them
    from being particularly happy or loyal in their romantic relationships.”

    All that I ever wanted was to be cool. Now it turns out that nerds are happier? I'm so confused.

    Then again, I can think of other explanations for the study.

    • The study could be biased. Roloff sounds like a nerd. Maybe he has a pro-nerd agenda.
    • Maybe nerds who are dating are just really really happy to be in any relationship at all. It's easy to be committed when you know you'll never do any better.

    But the truly important inference is this: selfish people are happier. You always knew it, didn't you? Somewhere deep in your heart?

    You might wonder about the romantic partners in the study. How happy were they? Well, Roloff didn't monitor them. He was oblivious! That's right. He's a nerd.

Comments (4)

  • Funny post :)

    I can see that, true nerds being happier. I feel like I'm stuck in the middle, nerdy enough to not be cool, but not nerdy enough to be oblivious. So like you, I always have wanted to be cool. I think that's gotta be the worst place of three, being in the middle--at least if you're cool, you don't think about it. If you're purely nerdy, you just don't realize it.

  • HMMmmm... Interesting.
    "Maybe nerds who are dating are just really really happy to be in any relationship at all. It's easy to be committed when you know you'll never do any better."
    Yeah.. I guess that if you know you can "do better" than you would always have higher expectations and look for something more and something better. Who knew that being popular was so uncool.
    OR, maybe it's that after you've chameleonized yourself for a long time, you no longer know who you really are... and in a way, they are the oblivious ones. Oh.. the irony.

  • Interesting...maybe this is saying that people are not happy no matter what.  The geek not happy with himself is dependent on others for happiness (he used not in sexist way, but as general he).  As for the chameleon, he appears happy, but will be less likely to be happy in a relationship.  And oblivious people are happier?  Well, that's a given -- ignorance is bliss, after all.  But that doesn't say much for the annoyed people around them.

    Very sad.  Humans are apparently just never happy.  Maybe they're happier being unhappy.

  • This just proves what we all knew deep inside.  Nerds end up getting girls somehow.  Otherwise the whole nerd race would eventually become extinct.

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