Comedy = Tragedy + Time
It's been months since I've posted anything original here. So, here's a sure
crowd-pleaser: my bad blind dates of the past! I had been saving these
for a future writing project, but I may as well publish them now. Unless otherwise indicated, these stories
indicate the actual moment that I knew the evening was sunk.
These actually happened, with a minor embellishment in one of the stories.
It's
not intentional. I don't even know how I do it. But somehow I always manage
to step on my date's toes. This unfortunate, sweet girl confessed to me,
later in the evening, that she was insecure about her intelligence.
Me: So what did you do this weekend?
Date: My friends and I saw the Pride and Prejudice video series.
Me: That sounds like fun. I haven't seen it myself, but I read the book in high school, and I have to admit that I really liked it!
Date: (legitimately impressed) That's a pretty big book.
Me: (taken aback for a moment, not knowing what to say. Then, leaning forward with a cocky, joking smile) Well, I'm a pretty smart guy!
Date: (looks at me silently)
I
knew it was pretty much over right there. But, just in case there was
any doubt, here's an exchange that took place one painful hour later.
Date: So, Mark, do you have any brothers or sisters?
Me: (a little surprised, but politely) Yes, I have a younger brother who's studying at Duke.
Date: Oh yeah, I think I already asked you that.
Another
time, I was set up with an MBA student from Columbia. I walked in the
restaurant to meet her, and she had the classic MBA look: slim, well
dressed, attractive. I was impressed. Then:
Me: Hi, I'm Mark. It's nice to meet you.
Date: It's nice to meet you too.
She shakes my hand firmly.
Me: Ow.
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